Love Letter To My Fellas

This one goes out to the special men in my life.

This year has not been an easy one for me. As you know, my father passed away 9/19/15. I have prided myself on being a "daddy's girl" and I guess I will always be that but not in the way that I'm used to. He was so much more to me than just my father and losing such a huge male presence was going to be one of the hardest adjustments that I needed to deal with. I had no idea what to expect and/or who to expect it from. Thank God for the men who are in my life. For whatever reason (and I'm not questioning anything) you all made it a point to show me that I have no reason to feel lonely. I'm talking about my uncles, my cousins, my lifetime friends, friends of family, friends of friends, friends I haven't met (internet friends), acquaintances that are becoming friends, and whomever else I may be forgetting. Each of you in your own way have made a HUGE impact on my life. The visits, the hangouts, the phone calls (I'm still working on the whole calling more thing), the private messages, the texting, allowing me to text all times of day and night without complaining although sometimes it can be annoying, the invites, the game playing (although many of you gave up on playing "Words with Friends" with me... hehe), the silly jokes, the heartfelt conversations, the trash talking, the ice cream... okay that's for one special friend but that ice cream is just too good not to give it it's own shout out, something I truly enjoy: the compliments, the innocent (and sometimes the not so innocent with some of you *wink*.. lol) flirting, making me feel beautiful, never allowing me to put myself down even when I'm kidding, praying for and with me, noticing when I retreat and instead of abandoning me, you willingly join me in my own little world without fear (no matter how hard I try to scare you away), and oh so much more. There are many of you who have helped me to cope and deal without saying anything to me directly. I take my blessings no matter how large or small and appreciate it all.

I have been forced to be much more in touch with my emotions than I would like. I am talking about the sweet taste of pure clean love. I have so much love for you guys and I am receiving your love in return. My soul and spirit have been touched in a way I wish I could describe. It's powerful and overwhelming and I love every bit of it. I'm not looking for a replacement for my father or for someone to try to fill that void because it will never happen. That part was his and his alone. I guess what it all comes down to is this. There is much more room in my life and in my heart than even I knew. Some of you have occupied sections of me that I was aware of, some have occupied sections I tried to keep you out of but somehow you got in anyway and have no intentions of leaving, and many of you are still making your way in. As the new year arrive, I look forward to many more ventures and blissful moments with you. I hope that each of you are receiving my love for you in return. I am very proud to be your "Andrea", "Drea", "Dre", "Dre-Day", "Dre-Dre", "Angie", "Lovely Drea", "Lady", "Chef", "Sister", "Punk (and only one of you specifically can get away with that one)", "Moosie", Moo",  niece, cousin, bestie, crush (didn't think I knew that one, did ya... lol), personal chef, and to sum it all up, FRIEND!
I am able to smile because of each and every last one of you!

 

Thank you and God Bless!

Love Letter To My Ladies

I used this picture for you ladies because... well look at all of that Sweet & Sexiness... lol! You're welcome!
To be serious for a moment, I wanted to express my love to all the women in my life. My sister who is in a category of her own, my aunts & aunties, my godmothers, cousins, lifetime sisterhood friends, recent female friends, friends of friends, friends of family, and everyone in between. I truly appreciate having you in my life and allowing me to be a part of yours. I am humbled by all the love and support I am receiving from you on a daily basis. I don't need to hear from you or see you every day to know how much I am loved by you. We each have a bond that is unbreakable and somehow it manages to continue to get stronger. I know I can be hard to read and understand at times but please know that you are appreciated.
I enjoy the silly conversations, the occasional gossip, the random check-ins, the lunches, dinners, shopping, hangouts, the visits, the overnight stays, the exchange of sweet and sexy pictures of men, the heart to heart conversations, the "this is on sale" texts/calls (because as you know, I do love a sale), the texting in general, the private messages, the game playing (even though some of you have stopped playing "Words with Friends" with me... hehe) and even though I don't respond as expected, the annoying "forward to everyone you know" messages. It lets me know that I am being thought about. Even if it's for a split second or an eternity, I appreciate it all.
I hope and pray that you know that I don't take you or your love for me for granted. I thank God for each of you. You are all beautiful women and we compliment each other. Believe me when I tell you that I learn so much about life because of you all and I will continue to learn and grow because of you. In return, I will work harder at being more present and available. So we go into the new year, I look forward to more "Ladies Days/Nights", even more silly conversations, even more heartfelt conversations, and learning even more life lessons!
Thank you and God Bless!

Dedicated To My Father

Dear Daddy,
            One month ago today, you transitioned into a new life. You unwillingly (I'm sure) left not only your daughters but a host of friends and family. You were and are still loved by MANY people. I can't speak for everyone but only for myself and I will attempt to truly express my emotions.
            You grew up as an only son in a single parent household. You were raised with your cousins which turned those relationships into brothers and sisters. Later you found out that you had a brother and was blessed to not only meet but developed a wonderful loving relationship. You met and married a woman who was the love of your life until she passed away in 2003. You gave unconditional love to all you came in contact with. Your in-laws weren't in-laws. They were your family. Your co-workers weren't your co-workers. They too were your family. Love flowed from you like water. I would watch and admire how generous you were. We had many conversations which explained why you were the man we all knew. Life taught you many lessons and you used your experiences to break the cycle so to say.
            You made it a point to be active in my life. I remember you working the 4pm to 12pm shift when I was very young. I would wake you up to watch "Sesame Street" and cartoons and not one time did you ever yell at me or ask me to leave you alone. You would fall asleep and pretend you knew what was happening but you always welcomed me in. We would watch "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" and sing along and we murdered the theme to "All In The Family". When I was old enough to go to school, I would wake you up to say "See you later" and you would hug and kiss me good-bye, tell me to have a good day, gave me my allowance when the time came for it (even slid me a little extra something at times), and sent me on my way. You made sure to involve yourself in my life. Wanting to know who my friends were, what my teachers names were, what classes I was taking, "What did you learn today?", etc...
            When I became interested in cooking, you were right there to cheer me on. You also made it a point to be brutally honest when a dish or dessert wasn't good. When college didn't seem to be in the works, you spoke with the Chef at MSG and asked that he give me a shot. I would hear you talk about all the people you saw while working when I was younger and see some of the great things you brought home from work and say I wanted to work there. I was going to be the first female laborer in that department. After all, it was you who told me that a woman can do anything a man did. I was going to break ground and make a difference. Who knew that I would speak it into existence? No, I didn't make it to the labor gang but I worked at Madison Square Garden for 12 years. I worked all kitchen departments and stations. Working in a place I dreamed of being in as a kid and doing something I've loved every since I could remember... What?! You were my daddy but also a co-worker and my friend. How did that happen?

            I lived with you and mommy all the way till the end. Every time I tried to make a move to leave, something would happen that kept me with you both. I was unsure as to why everyone else got to leave and make their own way. I didn't want to be a burden and felt the need to start my life on my own terms. I didn't feel stuck but something wasn't quite right. I did however remain because I knew God kept me with you for a reason. I teased and called myself Lamont Sanford and not once did you make me feel as if I was in the way. In fact, you opened up your home to me and allowed me to have my own sense of independence. "Make this house your own" you would tell me. I redecorated my bedroom, you and I picked out new living room furniture, we went half on making over the kitchen, we went half on getting the new heater, when we went grocery shopping you had a cart and I had a cart, and the latest was when you gave me a room to turn it into whatever I wanted. Every silly thing I came up with you would say that if that's what I wanted it to be then it's fine with you. I turned it into an office and you were more excited about it than I was. I was overwhelmed with emotions because how you allowed me to not only live in this house with you but allowed me to share it with you.

          You and I had a bond and connection that unfortunately many haven't experienced. One common theme other than love is how encouraging you have always been. You told it like it was (sometimes a little too much of how it was) but you never made me feel unloved or ignored. You made sure to include me in your conversations. You and I had tv nights, take out nights, helped me cook, cooked when I wasn't able to, we hung out like father & daughter, we hung like two old buddies, ignored me when I was being silly, cared for me when I was sick/recovering from my surgeries, protected me when I was unable to protect myself, comforted me when I was too prideful to ask for it, and gave me advice when I asked for it or needed it. I was able to confide in you and trusted you 100%. You confided in me and trusted me 100%.
          You put on a brave face but I knew how devastating it was for you when mommy died. I saw the hurt in your face when I got injured at work and wasn't getting better. I saw the fear and hurt when I needed to have my surgeries. I also saw the relief when I started to heal and started getting my independence back. You would tell me to relax when I pushed myself too much. I must have done something in my former life that was outstanding because this life is a blessed one for me.

           I miss you daily. How devastating it is to know that my hero who was invincible was human after all? It sucks because I'm no longer anyone's "baby girl". I was forced into adulthood when mommy passed but I could retreat into baby girl mode when I needed to. Now it's adult mode until we meet again. Don't worry though. I'm not alone. You set me up with a wonderful support team. You brought everyone together and showed us all how much we truly need each other. The level of love has increased and it's a beautiful thing to see. All of our eyes are opened and in our own way, we each are realizing what is important. You are presenting opportunities that we have been trying to ignore and forcing us to take chances we normally wouldn't have. Playing it safe is no longer an option. You speak to me through many different outlets and when I have a question about something, the answer comes rather quickly. You are still looking out for me and I am grateful. I would rather you be here but I also understand that God knows best. I forgive you for leaving me so soon. I wasn't ready or even prepared for your departure but I know none of that is up to me. If that were the case, both you and mommy would still be here. I can take comfort in knowing that you loved me and you knew how much I loved you.
           All I can do is try to continue to be the woman you and mommy raised me to be. I'm not perfect nor do I try to be but I want to honor you in the best way. I want folks to see me as Andrea/Moosie but I also want them to see you and mommy in me. I would hope to be remembered in a positive light like you and mommy are. I will never reach the status of greatness because the bars you two set are beyond reach but I will continue to be the best me I can be. You have set me up on the right path and it's up to me to keep going. I will stumble along the way. Sometimes on purpose, most times by accident but I will carry on. My heart aches from the pain of you not being here. I need to go through the changes of turning that ache into love like I did with mommy. I won't allow my grief to cripple me though. Folks see me and tell me how strong I am but my strength comes from my loved ones and to tell the truth, from you and mommy. Neither one of you showed weakness. You were warriors and so am I.
          I will end this by saying that I thank you for being my father and I thank you for being my friend. I thank you for taking care of your family and I thank you for being the man you were. You are a fine example of the kind of gentleman, husband, father, and friend everyone needs in their life. I will forever miss and love my daddy!





Chefs/Professional Cooks Vs The At Home Cook

I'm flipping between "Chopped" and "The Taste" which are cooking competitions. I'm a long time fan of "Chopped" and one thing I'm sure those of you who also watch cooking competitions/programs are aware that all Chefs/Professional Cooks have two things in common. We are over confident and we are overly insecure. We "know" we can cook and our dishes are the best that anyone will ever eat yet at the same time we fear that we will make something no one will want to eat (complicated yes I know). Those of us who are the At Home Cooks are also confident in our ability to cook for our family and friends but are simply terrified that our food or style of cooking are not good enough to reach the professional chef status. Notice I included myself in both categories and I will explain why. I started out cooking at home from a very young age. I also got into the restaurant business at a young age. I worked with many that went to culinary school and even though I dare not show it, I allowed the fact they were professionally taught intimidate me until I saw that my skill was much more than a lot of them. Not bragging, just a fact (hehe). Even though some of my co-workers and friends would reassure me that I was just as good or at times even better, I would not allow myself to accept that fact. I instead soaked up as much information I could. I learned what to do and what not to do. I was blessed with a God given talent and I am thankful that I was able to put it to good use.
Most of us who are the At Home Cook learn how to cook and bake. Mostly because you always gotta have dessert lol. It was strange to me to learn that all chefs who cook can not bake and all chefs who bake can not cook. To me, they go hand in hand but for many it doesn't. Personally, I believe it is the home cooks that have the home advantage of preparing a meal in these competitions as long as they stay true to themselves. The professionals however always have a need to prove why they are the best. There are always some new technique or scientific ingredient to make the dish better and they end up beating themselves because of it. And don't EVEN get me started on all the fancy names and expensive what nots they add.
One of my mentors and best friend once told me that he could see me having my own cooking show or in one of those cooking competions and I thought he was just bias because we are friends but you know, that may have to be something I might have to look into and decide if it is a bucket list item. I will not dare say that I would win but I am pretty sure if I set my mind to it, I will make it at least to the finals. No I'm not the best chef/cook out there and I hardly know all there is when it comes to cooking but I believe I do have the home court advantage because I have experience in both areas!

Chivalry Isn't Dead After All

In one of my earlier posts titled "Chivalry Can't Be Dead", I shared a couple of the funnier but sad situations I was in when it came to being approached by men. Well, I am here to tell you that there is hope. I recently met and had a lovely date with a true gentleman. He approached me in a respectful manner, our converstions have been light hearted and interesting, and I do not feel as if I am wearing a porkchop suit while standing in the middle of hungry lions. We had a nice dinner, went for a nice stroll in the city, and the conversation seemed endless. It was like a great breath of fresh air to be out with someone who respected me and treated me like a lady. I felt as if he was attracted to both my outer and inner beauty. It was as if I was being courted (I went old school on ya with that one... lol). My "peoples" as I call my love ones (friends and family) know me and appreciate me as who I am and that is a blessing, but it is truly refreshing to be treated like the lady I am. Not to worry, I did my part to treat him like the gentleman he is (or at least I hope I did *smiles*).
So to all the ladies out there, there are true gentlemen available. There are men who respect themselves enough to want to show they know how to make a lady happy and can hold off telling you in detail all they wish to do to you sexually. And as many of us know, those who has to talk about it may not know how to be about it. I shared this story for one main reason. If I can share stories of the not so great part of dating, I can also share the good part. I don't believe in male bashing and I don't generalize by saying "All Men Are...". I see each man as they present themselves to me and go from there. No, I am not every man's dream nor would I want to be. No, I am not every man's nightmare nor would I want to be. I am just a simple, easy going lady who would (and I am quoting one of my aunts) not mind having someone to enjoy a slice of cake and a cup of coffee with.

When Life Hands You Lemons....

It is said that God puts folks in your life... Some for a reason and others for only a season. It is also said that things happen for reasons that only God know why and it is how we choose to approach whatever determines the outcome. I for one am a true believer.
I have been thrown off my course and plans I had set for what I thought my life was to be has changed. Every time I think I have it right, it appears that I actually have it left (play on words... hehe). I've always enjoyed cooking for as far as I could remember. As a little girl, I would go in the kitchen and watch my mom cook and be amazed. That was sort of our bonding time one could say. While we would talk/laugh, I would pay close attention to her as she prepared every meal. Sometimes she would call me to come join her in the kitchen. Just thinking about it now I have a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. My father would watch television and my sister would be in our room reading waiting to be called after everything was done. When I was tall enough to reach the stove, my mom allowed me to help with preparing the meals and then eventually I would just take over and she would sit and watch (criticizing and questioning... hehe) while we talked. Cooking was always more of a hobby for me. I would collect recipes, watch cooking shows, and just experiment with different flavors and combinations. I would see a meal that called for expensive ingredients and I would add my own little twists and turn it into my own. Never in a million years did I think it was even possible for me to get into the Culinary Industry and forget about becoming a Chef. I thought my career path would be in Sociology, Psychiatry, or some type of work that required me to work with children. I made 3 attempts to go to college and all 3 times I failed. The first time I put going into college on hold to help out a family member, the second time I actually was accepted but the day I was to start I caught a terrible flu and missed the entire week that I had to enter, and the third time I was told my father made too much money for financial aid. I looked at that lady and said, "Oh really? Where is all this money going cause we sure don't see it?"
So then I decided that I needed to look for work so I can go to school. "Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" I asked myself while I cruised through the newspapers and an opportunity presented itself. I ended up working not only in a professional kitchen but for me it was as if I entered a culinary school that paid me to be there. Catering/Restaurant and a hint of Hotel type of work. I started at the entry level and what was supposed to be a temporary job turned into a 15 plus years career. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. The more obstacles I had to go through, the more I would prove that I could get through them as a victor and not a victim. Just as I was settling into what I thought would be where I would later retire, I had the rug pulled from under me. I had an on the job accident which at first I thought was minor but it turned out to be more serious than expected. I had a nasty slip and fall that ended my career. I will no longer be able to actively work in the culinary field. I refused to accept it at first but I know that everything happens for a reason. God put me in this line of work for His reason just as he has taken me out of it for His reason. I am optimistic that whatever is lined up for me will be something else for me to succeed at but I would be fibbing if I were to say that I don't and won't miss it. I have my moments when I feel sad but I will not allow it to get me down. I am much too strong and stubborn to give up.
In normal situations, people who have a large circle find that it gets smaller when something happens but for me, I have a lot more supporters and people who care for me than expected. I have my normal go to crew but the wave of support I've been receiving is humbling and lets me know that I am doing something right somewhere. With all the time off, I have tried to use it wisely. It has allowed me to reconnect with people, allowed me to get closer with my family/friends, it has allowed room for me to make new friends, and also shown me the few who needed to become a distant memory. I have an even greater appreciation for life and taking time to enjoy it even more. There are moments when I am in so much pain, I feel as if I am tired of taking medication, and frustrated because I am not able to get up and do/go at the same rapid speed as before. There are times when I cry because it appears as if life is going on but my life is on hold or at a standstill but then I look at the positives. I have a loving group of supporters who does not mind being available for/to me. I have a roof over my head, I am still able to move around, you can look at me and see I am not rapidly losing weight so I'm not missing any meals (lol), and I still have my sense of humor. I love hearing folks laugh at my silly sayings and stories. For me, that is a huge part of my healing. I'm not used to being fussed over and I am still getting used to being taken care of... but I have to say it does feel nice :-)
With the lemons I've been handed, I choose to make lemon cake, lemon herb chicken, lemon tea, etc... Two things you can tell about me. One, I have a positive outlook on life and two, I am a tad bit greedy... lol!

Happy Father's Day

I want to give a special Happy Father's Day to all the fathers. I am blessed to say that my father was very involved in my life when I was growing up and to this day, he is still a very important man in my life. I am reminded daily just how blessed my sister and I are to have such a great man who love and care for us. Even on those days when it seems he puts on his Columbo trench coat and gives us the third degree, I know it's only done out of love. Thank you daddy for giving me your love, your guidance, your wisdom, your patience, your calm nature, your sense of humor, your sarcasm, your smart comebacks (hey, yall had to know I got them from somewhere lol), your eyes, and can't forget about that famous Pettigrew smile! I owe you more than I could ever give back and would not trade you for anything!

What Is It Like?

What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?
To be the woman you fall asleep and wake up thinking about...
To be in your dreams that you dare not share...
To put the smile on your face that appears suddenly...
To be the one you brag to all of your friends about...
To be the reason behind your inspiration...


What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?


To be the woman you have to rehearse the conversation you plan on having...
To be the one you need to work up your nerves to call...
To be the one you decide is the only woman for you...
To be the woman who gives you butterflies in your stomach...


What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?


To be the woman you introduce as your lady...
To be the woman who makes your heart skip a beat every time we share a kiss...
To be the woman you look at in that special way...
To be the woman you can get enough of...


What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?

Kid At Heart

From the moment I heard their name (group and individual), New Edition have been a part of me. I strangely thank my sister for my borderline obsession with them. They did a concert with Force MD's, and Run DMC way back in the day (All For Love album) and she made my mother angry to which her punishment was she wasn't allowed to go. At that time, I was short for my age and my mom didn't feel comfortable with me traveling alone on the subway so I wasn't allowed to go either. They did air the concert on the radio in those days so I was able to hear them and my father got me an autograph picture from both New Edition and Force MD's but I promised myself that once I was of age to attend one of their concerts, I was going and nothing was going to stop me. Then there was the "Heartbreak " tour. Didn't make it to that one either but that was my own fault. I picked that year to not do that great in school so missing that tour was all me. Once again, I promised myself that I would not miss another concert. It was that determination that turned me into the fan I am today.

It appeared there for a minute that the "Heartbreak" tour would be the last one they would do together. There were solo projects and issues within the group but low and behold, "Home Again"! YES!!! I finally had the opportunity to see my guys perform with the added bonus of not just seeing five of them but all six. Nothing and no one would prevent me from seeing my New Edition. I was lucky that their first stop was in my hometown because we all know the outcome of that tour.

New Edition have always been a huge part of my life in one way or another. "Can You Stand The Rain" is the first song I sang to my male friend (who I had a crush on by the way) and "S-C-H-O-O-L" earned me a high grade in English. I can go on and on with different examples but this one I'm about to share is truly near and dear to me.

NE was doing a show that I just knew I was going to miss. It was going to be at my job (at that time I worked at Madison Square Garden)and I had to work that evening. It nearly killed me to know that we were going to be in the same building and for me not to see at least one member. That was not going to happen. I went to work extra early, changed into my Chef's Uniform, and walked around (people tend to say I was stalking them but that wasn't the case) the areas I knew they should be. While I was chatting on my cell phone with one of my cousins, the first person I saw was Michael Bivins. In my head, him and Bobby Brown are the cool male friends you have. They are the ones you hang out with and just kick it. If some drama appear, they are the ones you call to help end it. Seeing Mike excited me but it wasn't a seeing my favorite member type of excitement. He was looking for their dressing room and of course I was more than willing to help him find it. He is a very cool guy. He took time to say hello to my cousin who was still on the phone and we eventually found the dressing room. Luck was on my side that entire day. The area they were located made it very convenient for me to get to them.

I left but of course made my way back to see who else I could see. I heard some of the guys who were hanging around their area talking about getting something to eat. One of them (who I later found out was Ronnie Devoe's cousin) looked in my direction and said, "She looks as if she knows where to get something to eat". Now normally I have a smart remark and this time was no different. Just as I was about to say, "What gave that away, Sherlock?" I heard someone yell out, "Yeah cause Ronnie is hungry", I quickly smiled and began to mention different restaurants in the area. Ronnie DeVoe, my number one love?! Of course I'm going to look out for him! In my head, Ronnie was the cool friend I had a secret crush on. Back to my story... I ended up establishing a decent relationship with Mike's bodyguard whose name is Eric. After all, he was the one I mainly dealt with. He told me that they wouldn't have time to go anywhere because they needed to rehearse and I volunteered to throw some food together for them. I told Eric to give me five minutes and I would personally cook and bring them some food. I ran to the kitchen and turned into the Tasmanian Devil.

After I cooked and packed everything, I gathered my nerves and brought the food to Eric. He looked at me carefully, told me that I looked harmless and allowed me to bring the food in. I sat the food on the table and slowly turned around and there they were practicing some steps to "If It Isn't Love". At that moment I was Tupac because all eyes were on me. I stood there for a few seconds and took in that moment. Ralph Tresvant is the guy all the women wanted except for me (at that time)and Ricky Bell... well I just didn't like Ricky. He never did anything to me personally. I just didn't like him but "Something In Your Eyes" did make me raise an eyebrow. Johnny Gill... now I love me some Johnny Gill as long as he is singing. I prayed the entire time for him not to sing, hum, or even whistle. Talking was okay but anything musical and I would lose it. I also made tea for Johnny Gill's voice. Yep... that was me... lol!

To make a long story short, I got to meet all of them and they all were very sweet and very gracious towards me. Ronnie saw my Scorpio pendant that I was wearing and he gently grabbed it. As he held it, he looked at me and said "Ahh... Scorpio". I slowly made my posture straight and responded, "Why yes I am" and by doing that, it gave me the right to tell everyone that I got felt up by Ronnie Devoe. Yep... mmm hmm... sure did! I share this story because at the time I was dealing with my own personal tragedy. My mom was suffering with cancer and the stress of dealing with that had took it's toll on me. Being able to meet my favorite group and  have them all (Ricky included) be so kind to me gave me that added boost I needed. Needless to say, I ended up catching their performance and when Johnny sang, my cousins said "he sounds so good because of your tea" to which I maturely replied, "yes, that's my tea"! Good times.... good times I tell ya but my story does not end there.

I was lucky enough to have been invited to a mic check for Heads of State which was Ralph, Bobby, and Johnny. Only Ralph and Johnny was there and I had no complaints. I had the chance to speak to Ralph and thanked him for being so gracious to me way back when. He in turned thanked me, gave me a warm embrace, and a lingering kiss on the cheek. From that moment on, he moved up and became a favorite member... hehe. I didn't get to talk much to Johnny but he not only sang for us but sang directly to me twice which had me melting.

Once again all six members are on tour, (two of the shows I have seen) and what a blessing it is to see that they are doing the damn thing. Looking around, all you see are us 30+ aged women hollering and going crazy like we all did when we were teenagers. Whenever life gets me down and I need that extra boost of happiness, I can look at pictures/videos or play their music and I am A-O-K! Thank you New Edition for teaching me that (dare I say it?) I CAN STAND THE RAIN!!

Lost Within

There's no sun

There's no rain

But the dark clouds just won't go away

The stillness of the air

The calmness of the sea

Leaves an empty feeling that once was filled within me

No thunder, no singing birds, not a sign of life around

Just that old familiar feeling that keeps me down

I want to laugh, I want to cry

Yet all I find myself doing is asking "Why?"

Just keep the faith and keep my cool

Then wondering if I'm just being a fool

I put this in the Lord's hands and the truth shall be free

It is He who knows why and if this was meant to be!

The You I See

The you I see is pure and true

Your warrior within is always shining through

Strong enough to show how vulnerable you can be

Is just some of the you I happen to see

Never a harsh word has ever been spoken

Truth is the seal for a friendship that's never broken

Mutual respect for who we are and what we say

Inspiring one another in every kind of way

Going for the gold and never settling for less

Always finding clever ways to deal with stress

The brightness from your smile lights up your face

But what's inside shows your true grace

Too real to be fake, like a dream come true

This is what I see when I look at you

You inspired me to be the me you see

All because I truly like the you I see!

My Despise And My Desire

   

 Colder than Ice, Hotter than Fire

This is how I describe both My Despise & My Desire

What I despise is quite simple and clear

In order for you to find out, please lend me your ear...

A war was started because someone told a bunch of lies

But oddly enough the truth found a great spot to hide...

You can sit and complain all you want about your lack of hope

But the only way to begin to change things around is if you take a stand and vote!

Not being true to yourself is another on my list

Sadly enough this is one that many can't resist...

Violence of any kind is a waste of time
If everyone could think like this, there would be no crime...

A lack of Honesty, lack of Trust, and a lack of Respect

Are all things I tend to REJECT!

Colder than Ice, Hotter than Fire

This is how I describe both My Despise & My Desire

What I desire is everything that makes me happy

I'll shorten the list to make this snappy...

Family & friends are both loved ones for me

But each receives a different kind of love… you see...

The love I have for myself is the strongest of all

And I love the fact that I always know how to have a ball...

New Edition is the first group I thought was "dynamite"

There's no time to "Cool It Now" because "We're Gonna Get Hot Tonight"

I guess my true desire is to just keep living life as happy as I can

I've learned early on that I could be happy with or without a man!

Colder than Ice, Hotter than Fire

This is how I describe both My Despise & My Desire!

Special Thank You To All Of My People

God has blessed me with the most wonderful friends and family. To everyone who have put a smile on my heart, I say thank you. To everyone who have made me laugh until the tears blind my vision and I'm hanging on to my last breath, I say thank you. To everyone who have made time for me, I say thank you. To everyone who have melted my heart with kind words, I say thank you. I love all of my people for loving me and you all know who you are!

The Love You Have Given Me

The love you have given me was more than I could ask
It has helped me through my most difficult tasks


The love you have offered at times seemed more than what I would receive from my mother
It has grown and blossomed like no other


What we shared is rare, genuine and true
And the thought of losing it is making me blue


For my love for you appears to grow everyday
And to have it discarded like last weeks trash will hurt in every way


Our love for one another wasn't one that was planned
And it's something no other would understand


For you are the one I can be my true self and not be judged
For you are the one who has shown me true love


You and I, we are one
The kind of love that could never be done


I know for a fact that these words may be corny
But it's a small way to let you know that I appreciate all of the love you have given to me!

WTC Will Forever Be In Our Hearts

I want to take a minute to send love to those who were affected by the attacks on 9/11 on a more personal level, even though the rest of us were affected just as so. I tend to try and find something positive out of a negative situation and this is what I`ve come up with. That empty spot in our New York sky line teach me to appreciate my loved ones and make everyday count. Not to take advantage of the Blessings our Father has given us and to thank Him every chance we get. I was born and raised in the great NYC and I was there when this tragic event took place. The way everyone came together and the amount of patience that everyone had was incredible. The City That Never Sleep took a short nap, woke up much more refreshed, and more energized. I'm proud to be an American who happens to be a New Yorker as well!

Chivalry Can't Be Dead

Being in a long term relationship blocked a lot of the nonsense single people have to deal with. I've always had guys approach me but with the protection of being in a relationship/engaged, I didn't have the extra stuff to deal with. Now that I'm newly single I try to keep an open mind and go with the flow but this flow is more like a typhoon.

When I was a preteen/teenager, I was an ugly duckling. None of the boys wanted more than a friendship from me. I saw how they chased the "pretty" girls and oddly enough the girls would use me as their shield (yeah I know... cruel). I hated that no boy found me to be cute so I prayed to God that He would make me pretty enough to be chased. Talk about being careful about what you ask for....

I know that some attention is better than no attention but my goodness. The first thing I was blessed with were wide hips and a big behind. My "seductive" eyes and "sexy" smile followed rather quickly. It took a few years but my breast were the last to get to the point of drawing attention. I know that when guys approach a female, 9 times out of 10 it's not because of her personality. Having a great personality is an added bonus but the men who approach me make it clear that all they want is to have sex with me. I have looked long and hard and don't see what it is about me that makes them think that I'm just a "good time" woman.

I had a telephone conversation (I didn't give this guy my number and I blocked my number... thank God) with this guy and right away he tells me that he's not looking for a committed relationship. He has this "circle" of girls he deals with and when one act like she's trying to get him to commit, he drops her and add another in his rotation. As he continues to speak, I block out what he's saying and began asking myself is this guy for real? Does he think I want to be apart of this "stable" of chicks he allegedly has? Of course I informed him when it was my turn to participate in the conversation that I'm enjoying my single life and not looking to get into another relationship. He got happy and said that it sounds like we would be the right pick for one another to which I responded no. I told him that sex was not at the top of my priority list and I'm much deeper than that. For whatever reason I offended him and he decided that he would do his best to disrespect me. I didn't get down to his level and I let him have his little fit because I found it funny. How is it he was so sure or wrapped up in the idea of having sex with me that when it was denied he got so angry?

Another guy approached me twice about asking me out and to see if I were married or single. The first time I told him that I was engaged (and I was but shortly after I became disengaged... I like to call it that) and he told me that he had to let me know how attractive I was. It was about a few months later when he approached me again telling me how beautiful I was and he had to know if I was single. I got the idea that he didn't remember stepping to me the first time so I played along. I know I give men a hard time so I decided to throw the guy a bone. Little did I know he would toss me one back. He and I talked via telephone calls for a while. The conversation was great and he wanted to take me out so he could look me in my eyes (yes, I was supposed to fall for that). I ended up running into him while I was out and about shopping. The conversation was short because he was working and I had business I needed to take care of. Later that evening, I received a phone call and he told me how beautiful and sexy I look. It was a must that we spend some time together. THEN he told me about a dream he had about me which was a graphic sexual dream and began describing to me how I made him feel when he saw me. As if that wasn't enough, he used his cell phone to take a picture of his semi boner (told you he tossed me a bone) sent it to me, and called back to find out what my opinion was. I explained to him about me being a lady and deserved to be treated as such and from that moment on, I haven't heard much from him. I could have been honest and told him that instead of sending it to me he should have had his doctor take a look at it because from what I saw, that thing didn't look normal but I took the high road.

I remember hearing that a woman has to kiss a lot of frogs before finding her prince but who needs that? I'm not trying to get warts of any kind (okay?!) and it's just not that serious to me. I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now but I'm at the point where I don't mind hanging out. I've never been one to just put out because someone was attracted to me. I'm not going to choose now to start handing it out to every guy who wants it. I sometimes wish I was a little more shallow but I'm not. If a guy wants to get my attention, sex is not the way. If we have established a decent connection and it happens to come up, then I can talk about it till the cows come home.

Fairytales Can Come True....

Recently some events occurred that reminded me about one of my favorite childhood stories, "Goldilocks and The Three Bears". Most people feel sorry for little Goldilocks but I've always cheered for the bears. Think about it for a second. Papa, Momma, and Baby Bear went for a walk while waiting for their hot cereal to reach the temperature they each desired when this intruder just came in and picked at two of the bear's food and ate all of poor Baby Bear's food. After that, she just sat in each of their chairs until she found one that was comfortable and to top it all off, she again disrupting two of the bear's beds and slept in poor Baby Bear's bed. She was totally lucky that Papa Bear wasn't packing heat and popped a cap in her. Goldilocks in all of her selfishness got scared when she saw the Bear family looking at her and ran away. Now had she ate from only one bowl, sat in one chair, and didn't bother about going into the bedroom (cause as we all know, that's a big no no to go into someone's bedroom without permission), who knows what may have happened. In fact, why not wait for them to return and ask for something to eat? Pretty much she got what she thought she needed and ran. Now look at Snow White. The Seven Dwarfs took her in and she showed her appreciation by making their beds, making sure they had a hot meal after a long hard day working in the mines, and keeping the house clean. It worked out perfect for everyone. Why is it that we as human beings don't think that way? Most of us are opera singers (Me-Me-Me-Me-Meeeeee). We do whatever we can to get ahead without acknowledging those who helped us get to there. There are those of us who wants to reap the rewards without working hard for the benefits. Anything worth having is definitely worth working hard for. More great things can be accomplished when we work together instead of expecting someone to do the work for us. Each of us has a role to play in each other's lives but a lot us don't want the responsibility to live up to that role. When time arrives for us to face our truth, running away from it appears to be the best way to handle it instead of facing it head on. So indirectly, we end up sabotaging ourselves then blame others for our misfortune. Michael Jackson (RIP) said it best when he wrote the song "Man In The Mirror". One's self is the only one we can not lie to.
We all were born stars. That is a given but it is up to us to decide how bright we shine.

Beautiful Secret Crush

I want you more than you will ever know
My true emotions will never show
Lies I tell myself I tried to make them true
But in the end I know what it is I have to do.

The idea of being with you is a dream
The love we could make would be supreme
In good time, our emotions could blossom and grow
But because of my fear, that's something we will never know.

Fairytale beginning but a reality ending
With my stubbornness there's no chance of bending
So for now my love I'll keep hidden away in a safe place
And I'll continue on praying that it never reveals itself on my face!

Wake-Up Call

"The mouth that used to compliment me now curses me


The arms that used to hold now pushes me away


The hands that used to caress me now strikes me


The being that used to bring comfort now brings fear





What have I done to make you treat me this way?


Was it something I said, something I didn't do?


Please tell me. I can change!


What is it I need to do to make you happy?





You don't like her? Fine, I won't speak to her anymore.


But that's my family. Fine, when you are around your time is your time.


There's no other man. Only you. Honest, I'm telling the truth.


All I need is you in my life. I'll do whatever to let you know you are the one and only".





"Why would you do that? I can't believe you just hit me!


Sorry? Is that all you can say?


It won't ever happen again? You bet it won't happen again.


Flowers, candy, gifts... Ok, I believe you and forgive you.





Promise me that you won't do that again. Otherwise I'm leaving you.


You were under stress? Things aren't going right for you?


Yes, I understand


As long as you promise not to hit me again then I forgive you".




Why must you harm me the way you do?


Is this how you show me you love me?


I deserve better than this. This is not how love is supposed to be.


Hate me please because your love hurts too much."

I wrote this to shine the light on domestic violence. If a person (male or female) feel like the only way to communicate is to hit you or curse you, then that person is not worth your time.

Daddy's Little Girl

With Father's Day coming up, I figured that I would take time out to express my appreciation for my father. My father has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. He's the number one man in my life and he's the first man I know I can whole heartily trust and depend on. It was odd to me growing up and hearing my family, friends, and peers complain or talk about their father not being in their lives or not that interested in them because I didn't have that issue. Though he was the only one who worked, he made it a point to know what was going on with my life. My teenage years with him was great except for "the talk" which basically he said, "Make sure you gel and foam yourself up real good and use a condom before having sex." Oh the horror of that but otherwise he was a cool man. As I grew into adulthood, he made it a point to let me know that just because I wasn't a kid anymore didn't mean that I wasn't his "baby girl". When he talks about me or introduce me, he still refer to me as his baby girl and you know what.... I accept that. It's almost magical the relationship I have with him. He and I hang out, dine in, talk about just about everything under the sun except his & my intimate life (neither one of us could handle that).
When my mom was dying from lung cancer, I took time and actually watched how he cared for her. He's always been great to my mom (even during those times when she got on his nerves) but the love he gave her in her time of need... he took his vows serious and to his heart. In sickness and in health. For better for worst. I respected and loved him even more for that. In the 35 years they spent together, he always treated my mom like his Queen (and my sister & I like his two Princesses). Watching him with her showed me first hand that I want a man to be there for me like that. God forbid if I get to where I can't care for myself that the man I have in my life will be there to help me out. I make sure to show my father how much he means to me as much as possible (like I did with my mom). No need to wait for holidays or every once in a while because you know what? He has never waited for a so called special occasion to show me how much he loves me. Everyone who knows me know the special bond my father and I have. It's a beautiful thing!