Chivalry Can't Be Dead

Being in a long term relationship blocked a lot of the nonsense single people have to deal with. I've always had guys approach me but with the protection of being in a relationship/engaged, I didn't have the extra stuff to deal with. Now that I'm newly single I try to keep an open mind and go with the flow but this flow is more like a typhoon.

When I was a preteen/teenager, I was an ugly duckling. None of the boys wanted more than a friendship from me. I saw how they chased the "pretty" girls and oddly enough the girls would use me as their shield (yeah I know... cruel). I hated that no boy found me to be cute so I prayed to God that He would make me pretty enough to be chased. Talk about being careful about what you ask for....

I know that some attention is better than no attention but my goodness. The first thing I was blessed with were wide hips and a big behind. My "seductive" eyes and "sexy" smile followed rather quickly. It took a few years but my breast were the last to get to the point of drawing attention. I know that when guys approach a female, 9 times out of 10 it's not because of her personality. Having a great personality is an added bonus but the men who approach me make it clear that all they want is to have sex with me. I have looked long and hard and don't see what it is about me that makes them think that I'm just a "good time" woman.

I had a telephone conversation (I didn't give this guy my number and I blocked my number... thank God) with this guy and right away he tells me that he's not looking for a committed relationship. He has this "circle" of girls he deals with and when one act like she's trying to get him to commit, he drops her and add another in his rotation. As he continues to speak, I block out what he's saying and began asking myself is this guy for real? Does he think I want to be apart of this "stable" of chicks he allegedly has? Of course I informed him when it was my turn to participate in the conversation that I'm enjoying my single life and not looking to get into another relationship. He got happy and said that it sounds like we would be the right pick for one another to which I responded no. I told him that sex was not at the top of my priority list and I'm much deeper than that. For whatever reason I offended him and he decided that he would do his best to disrespect me. I didn't get down to his level and I let him have his little fit because I found it funny. How is it he was so sure or wrapped up in the idea of having sex with me that when it was denied he got so angry?

Another guy approached me twice about asking me out and to see if I were married or single. The first time I told him that I was engaged (and I was but shortly after I became disengaged... I like to call it that) and he told me that he had to let me know how attractive I was. It was about a few months later when he approached me again telling me how beautiful I was and he had to know if I was single. I got the idea that he didn't remember stepping to me the first time so I played along. I know I give men a hard time so I decided to throw the guy a bone. Little did I know he would toss me one back. He and I talked via telephone calls for a while. The conversation was great and he wanted to take me out so he could look me in my eyes (yes, I was supposed to fall for that). I ended up running into him while I was out and about shopping. The conversation was short because he was working and I had business I needed to take care of. Later that evening, I received a phone call and he told me how beautiful and sexy I look. It was a must that we spend some time together. THEN he told me about a dream he had about me which was a graphic sexual dream and began describing to me how I made him feel when he saw me. As if that wasn't enough, he used his cell phone to take a picture of his semi boner (told you he tossed me a bone) sent it to me, and called back to find out what my opinion was. I explained to him about me being a lady and deserved to be treated as such and from that moment on, I haven't heard much from him. I could have been honest and told him that instead of sending it to me he should have had his doctor take a look at it because from what I saw, that thing didn't look normal but I took the high road.

I remember hearing that a woman has to kiss a lot of frogs before finding her prince but who needs that? I'm not trying to get warts of any kind (okay?!) and it's just not that serious to me. I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now but I'm at the point where I don't mind hanging out. I've never been one to just put out because someone was attracted to me. I'm not going to choose now to start handing it out to every guy who wants it. I sometimes wish I was a little more shallow but I'm not. If a guy wants to get my attention, sex is not the way. If we have established a decent connection and it happens to come up, then I can talk about it till the cows come home.

Fairytales Can Come True....

Recently some events occurred that reminded me about one of my favorite childhood stories, "Goldilocks and The Three Bears". Most people feel sorry for little Goldilocks but I've always cheered for the bears. Think about it for a second. Papa, Momma, and Baby Bear went for a walk while waiting for their hot cereal to reach the temperature they each desired when this intruder just came in and picked at two of the bear's food and ate all of poor Baby Bear's food. After that, she just sat in each of their chairs until she found one that was comfortable and to top it all off, she again disrupting two of the bear's beds and slept in poor Baby Bear's bed. She was totally lucky that Papa Bear wasn't packing heat and popped a cap in her. Goldilocks in all of her selfishness got scared when she saw the Bear family looking at her and ran away. Now had she ate from only one bowl, sat in one chair, and didn't bother about going into the bedroom (cause as we all know, that's a big no no to go into someone's bedroom without permission), who knows what may have happened. In fact, why not wait for them to return and ask for something to eat? Pretty much she got what she thought she needed and ran. Now look at Snow White. The Seven Dwarfs took her in and she showed her appreciation by making their beds, making sure they had a hot meal after a long hard day working in the mines, and keeping the house clean. It worked out perfect for everyone. Why is it that we as human beings don't think that way? Most of us are opera singers (Me-Me-Me-Me-Meeeeee). We do whatever we can to get ahead without acknowledging those who helped us get to there. There are those of us who wants to reap the rewards without working hard for the benefits. Anything worth having is definitely worth working hard for. More great things can be accomplished when we work together instead of expecting someone to do the work for us. Each of us has a role to play in each other's lives but a lot us don't want the responsibility to live up to that role. When time arrives for us to face our truth, running away from it appears to be the best way to handle it instead of facing it head on. So indirectly, we end up sabotaging ourselves then blame others for our misfortune. Michael Jackson (RIP) said it best when he wrote the song "Man In The Mirror". One's self is the only one we can not lie to.
We all were born stars. That is a given but it is up to us to decide how bright we shine.

Beautiful Secret Crush

I want you more than you will ever know
My true emotions will never show
Lies I tell myself I tried to make them true
But in the end I know what it is I have to do.

The idea of being with you is a dream
The love we could make would be supreme
In good time, our emotions could blossom and grow
But because of my fear, that's something we will never know.

Fairytale beginning but a reality ending
With my stubbornness there's no chance of bending
So for now my love I'll keep hidden away in a safe place
And I'll continue on praying that it never reveals itself on my face!

Wake-Up Call

"The mouth that used to compliment me now curses me


The arms that used to hold now pushes me away


The hands that used to caress me now strikes me


The being that used to bring comfort now brings fear





What have I done to make you treat me this way?


Was it something I said, something I didn't do?


Please tell me. I can change!


What is it I need to do to make you happy?





You don't like her? Fine, I won't speak to her anymore.


But that's my family. Fine, when you are around your time is your time.


There's no other man. Only you. Honest, I'm telling the truth.


All I need is you in my life. I'll do whatever to let you know you are the one and only".





"Why would you do that? I can't believe you just hit me!


Sorry? Is that all you can say?


It won't ever happen again? You bet it won't happen again.


Flowers, candy, gifts... Ok, I believe you and forgive you.





Promise me that you won't do that again. Otherwise I'm leaving you.


You were under stress? Things aren't going right for you?


Yes, I understand


As long as you promise not to hit me again then I forgive you".




Why must you harm me the way you do?


Is this how you show me you love me?


I deserve better than this. This is not how love is supposed to be.


Hate me please because your love hurts too much."

I wrote this to shine the light on domestic violence. If a person (male or female) feel like the only way to communicate is to hit you or curse you, then that person is not worth your time.

Daddy's Little Girl

With Father's Day coming up, I figured that I would take time out to express my appreciation for my father. My father has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. He's the number one man in my life and he's the first man I know I can whole heartily trust and depend on. It was odd to me growing up and hearing my family, friends, and peers complain or talk about their father not being in their lives or not that interested in them because I didn't have that issue. Though he was the only one who worked, he made it a point to know what was going on with my life. My teenage years with him was great except for "the talk" which basically he said, "Make sure you gel and foam yourself up real good and use a condom before having sex." Oh the horror of that but otherwise he was a cool man. As I grew into adulthood, he made it a point to let me know that just because I wasn't a kid anymore didn't mean that I wasn't his "baby girl". When he talks about me or introduce me, he still refer to me as his baby girl and you know what.... I accept that. It's almost magical the relationship I have with him. He and I hang out, dine in, talk about just about everything under the sun except his & my intimate life (neither one of us could handle that).
When my mom was dying from lung cancer, I took time and actually watched how he cared for her. He's always been great to my mom (even during those times when she got on his nerves) but the love he gave her in her time of need... he took his vows serious and to his heart. In sickness and in health. For better for worst. I respected and loved him even more for that. In the 35 years they spent together, he always treated my mom like his Queen (and my sister & I like his two Princesses). Watching him with her showed me first hand that I want a man to be there for me like that. God forbid if I get to where I can't care for myself that the man I have in my life will be there to help me out. I make sure to show my father how much he means to me as much as possible (like I did with my mom). No need to wait for holidays or every once in a while because you know what? He has never waited for a so called special occasion to show me how much he loves me. Everyone who knows me know the special bond my father and I have. It's a beautiful thing!

Tiny Teaser

Here's a small teaser from my novel. I'm withholding the title for the time being.

"The next morning, Reggie laid in the bed clutching a pillow. He managed to get some sleep but he didn't rest well. He hoped that Ebony would return to him. Even if she snuck in the middle of the night and slept in the other room, she would be there with him. He sighed and stared at the wall. It was a few hours before he decided to get out of the bed. He bathed and made himself a cup of tea. He sat in the living room and tried to watch the television but he just flipped the channels and stared into space. He then decided to go out for a long drive. He got dressed and after making sure that the house was secure, he got into her car and looked around to see if she left a note or anything to give him an idea of where she was. Besides the normal papers that she kept in her car, he didn’t find anything. He saw a pack of gum she loved to chew and stuck it inside of his pocket. He closed the car door, inhaled deeply, then decided to drive it instead of his own. He smelled a faint scent of her perfume in the car as he drove around the city. He went to the different spots they used to go to when they first got together. He drove through his old neighborhood and saw the people that he used to hang out with. He saw the element of destruction that he himself was once a part of. Reggie acknowledged the people that he was close to and stopped to talk to them. It felt good for him to be around his buddies but at the same time it was strange. In a way, he felt like he had betrayed them by leaving that lifestyle. He knew that it was the right decision but wasn’t too sure if it was the best one. Ebony was what kept him from going back into that life. He had his moments where he missed that fast life. It was in him. It was a part of who he was but Ebony would always encourage him into staying on the other side of that life. ‘You’ve been there, done that and you see where it led you. You have talents that you can focus on. The same way you hustled in the streets, you can hustle at the work place. Use that skill for good.’ That’s how he ended up with the contract to build the building that he ended up working in. Now with her gone, he felt the need to be in his old neighborhood. He also decided to visit with his family."

Just Some Random Thoughts

I normally have music playing when I'm writing or doing pretty much anything. Right now, I'm stuck in the 80's and 90's. I have some of today's music but as of now, I'm stuck back in time. I remember when I was in my teens and I would try to get my mom to listen to some of what I was listening to and she refused. Gave me the whole "They don't make music like they used to" speech. I figured she was just old and stubborn and my father was the hip one because he kept up with the times. I promised myself that I wouldn't allow myself to become old like that. Well people, I'm old! Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of talented singers/performers around. I guess where my issue starts is there are so many young performers out now and not enough mature artists. Sure we have R.Kelly (stay away from the personal issues), Kem, Tank (eep, oop, ork, ah ah..... if you know about The Jetsons, you know what that means) Usher even though he was supposed to retire from music, Joe, & Mary J but they are the chosen few who managed to have stuck around for a minute. Christopher Williams, Jade, Jodeci, Alexander Oneal, Ready For the World, SWV, Troop, Ideal, Boyz II Men, Donell Jones (some of the more well known), UNV, II Close, UMYND, IV Example, Faze, II D Extreme (had to shout out my boy Johnny Gill's brother group) all have one thing in common as far as I'm concerned. They made what I like to call Grown & Sexy Music. Sure there were some risk-kay tunes, but it's music that I could relate to and you could go to a live show and know that there was true talent. Don't get me wrong now, there are some great talent out now but I want to know when it became a rule that you need to be as naked as possible in order to sell an album? My bad.... CD. I sort of understand where my mom was coming from. What happened to allowing your true skills come through? I see there are some who has taken that route and seems to be doing well (like that "Rehab" chick and my father's personal fav, Corinne Bailey Rae) but they won't sell out arenas like your more popular singers. In all honesty, how many of you guys will go see Beyonce to hear her sing? Yes she has a beautiful voice but you are going to watch her shake her booty, fling her hair, and allow "Sasha" to take over and hopefully you will sit close enough to see her panties as she kick her legs high.
There are groups like H-Town and Intro that sold well in their time but because of the lost of Dino and Kenny (oh Kenny and Dino is gone yall), it is understandable why the remaining members G-I & Shazam from H-Town and Jeff & Buddy from Intro (hello Jeff .... he looks like T-Mac but with darker eyes) quietly backed away from mainstream (though I hear that G-I and Shazam are still making music). Odd that I would use those groups as an example because I remember my cousin and I went to see them in concert at The Apollo one summer. Intro, H-town, and Silk. "Come Inside", "Knocking Da Boots" & "Lick You Up", and "Freak Me" all in the same night (yes I picked all the quality time tunes). What a show.....

The One That Got Away!

I spotted you alone though we were in a crowed place
Checking out your style, and seeing how you danced with such poise and grace

Thinking to myself I would see you and just go home
Not realizing you, yourself was there alone

Too shy to speak yet bold enough to ask for a dance
Too scared for eye contact for fear of falling into a trance

Twin souls destined to meet at that moment in time
We managed a conversation without one pick up line

Our time together was too short and very few
And the way we hooked up was all too new

Our personalities helped our friendship blossom and grow
Our physical attraction we never got to show

Though years has passed and time has changed
The place in my heart for you has remained

You made me feel special in so many ways
My true feelings for you I can't explain

You are your own man with your own family now
I knew that you were destined for greatness and how

For now, I guess there's nothing left for me to say
But Thank You to my friend, the one who got away!

A True Friend

A true friend will be there for you..
When you need them and they need you too

A true friend will not try to harm you in any kind of way
Not with the things they do or the words they say

A true friend don't make promises they can not keep
To prove that they are not a creep

A true friend doesn't try to impress
Because when they come as only their true selves, they show the best

A true friend will not lie to cover up their verbs
Because everybody knows that actions speak louder than words

A true friend should be able to enjoy one anothers company
Without having envy going through their body

A true friend should know what the word "friend" really mean and not only see what they beleive to be true
True friends settle their differences right away so their friendship won't be through!
(and that's only if that is what they want to do)

Where Have All The Baritone Singers Gone?

It hit me a couple of weeks ago what else it is that I miss in today's music. Late greats like Melvin Franklin (The Temptations), Barry White, Isaac Hayes, and those who are still living but for personal reasons left the music business like Larry Graham (originally from the group Sly & The Family Stone), Michael "Bass" McCary ( left Boyz II Men due to chronic back problems resulting from scoliosis and personal problems) and Christopher Williams (he tried his hand at acting and currently he is performing in plays) all had one thing in common that I hold near and dear to my heart. That would be the heavy melodious deep voice otherwise known as the baritone singer. Either the men today are busy crying their songs or pretty much singing in the same tempo. Listening to any of the above mentioned just mellows you out and take you to a place of comfort. It's hard to be angry or sad when you hear their music. If they are singing about the heartache from a break-up, you find yourself saying; "It's ok. I'm here for you and I won't hurt you like she did". If they are singing about forgiving them for breaking your heart, you will think; "You know what, it's ok that you cheated on me. These things happen and I trust you when you say that it will never happen again. Now come give me some sugar". You believed them even more when they sang about love and don't EVEN get me started on the love making songs. Especially the love making songs (whoa baby). You are more than willing to do anything with no argument once the song is over. Ladies, you know I'm telling the truth.
The baritone or deep voice used to be a must when a group was presented. They would be the one who would make the girls completely faint (smelling salts are needed) when the lead singer couldn't. As for the solo baritones, it is a well known fact that they did not need to dance or have any type of gimmicks to get the girls screaming. They didn't have to start singing right away. All they had to do was start talking and it was a done deal. Ladies undergarments would just start falling off on their own. It's like they are talking directly to you when they spoke. That is your personal moment with them and no matter what kind of day you were having, they would make all the stress and pain go away. For that time you were listening to them (concerts, albums, television, etc...) they became your date for the evening and if you were with your man, it was that bass singer who helped set the mood for a romantic evening. Don't deny it. You know it's true.
I'm sure I'm not alone when I say bring back the bass singers. We need that talented sound again. I'm starting a "Save The Baritone Singers" organization so be on the watch for the telethon and the website where donations can be sent to (only kidding about that). If you have a deep voice and you know how to use it, I want to hear you. Come out come out wherever you are! I'm waiting....