Dedicated To My Father

Dear Daddy,
            One month ago today, you transitioned into a new life. You unwillingly (I'm sure) left not only your daughters but a host of friends and family. You were and are still loved by MANY people. I can't speak for everyone but only for myself and I will attempt to truly express my emotions.
            You grew up as an only son in a single parent household. You were raised with your cousins which turned those relationships into brothers and sisters. Later you found out that you had a brother and was blessed to not only meet but developed a wonderful loving relationship. You met and married a woman who was the love of your life until she passed away in 2003. You gave unconditional love to all you came in contact with. Your in-laws weren't in-laws. They were your family. Your co-workers weren't your co-workers. They too were your family. Love flowed from you like water. I would watch and admire how generous you were. We had many conversations which explained why you were the man we all knew. Life taught you many lessons and you used your experiences to break the cycle so to say.
            You made it a point to be active in my life. I remember you working the 4pm to 12pm shift when I was very young. I would wake you up to watch "Sesame Street" and cartoons and not one time did you ever yell at me or ask me to leave you alone. You would fall asleep and pretend you knew what was happening but you always welcomed me in. We would watch "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" and sing along and we murdered the theme to "All In The Family". When I was old enough to go to school, I would wake you up to say "See you later" and you would hug and kiss me good-bye, tell me to have a good day, gave me my allowance when the time came for it (even slid me a little extra something at times), and sent me on my way. You made sure to involve yourself in my life. Wanting to know who my friends were, what my teachers names were, what classes I was taking, "What did you learn today?", etc...
            When I became interested in cooking, you were right there to cheer me on. You also made it a point to be brutally honest when a dish or dessert wasn't good. When college didn't seem to be in the works, you spoke with the Chef at MSG and asked that he give me a shot. I would hear you talk about all the people you saw while working when I was younger and see some of the great things you brought home from work and say I wanted to work there. I was going to be the first female laborer in that department. After all, it was you who told me that a woman can do anything a man did. I was going to break ground and make a difference. Who knew that I would speak it into existence? No, I didn't make it to the labor gang but I worked at Madison Square Garden for 12 years. I worked all kitchen departments and stations. Working in a place I dreamed of being in as a kid and doing something I've loved every since I could remember... What?! You were my daddy but also a co-worker and my friend. How did that happen?

            I lived with you and mommy all the way till the end. Every time I tried to make a move to leave, something would happen that kept me with you both. I was unsure as to why everyone else got to leave and make their own way. I didn't want to be a burden and felt the need to start my life on my own terms. I didn't feel stuck but something wasn't quite right. I did however remain because I knew God kept me with you for a reason. I teased and called myself Lamont Sanford and not once did you make me feel as if I was in the way. In fact, you opened up your home to me and allowed me to have my own sense of independence. "Make this house your own" you would tell me. I redecorated my bedroom, you and I picked out new living room furniture, we went half on making over the kitchen, we went half on getting the new heater, when we went grocery shopping you had a cart and I had a cart, and the latest was when you gave me a room to turn it into whatever I wanted. Every silly thing I came up with you would say that if that's what I wanted it to be then it's fine with you. I turned it into an office and you were more excited about it than I was. I was overwhelmed with emotions because how you allowed me to not only live in this house with you but allowed me to share it with you.

          You and I had a bond and connection that unfortunately many haven't experienced. One common theme other than love is how encouraging you have always been. You told it like it was (sometimes a little too much of how it was) but you never made me feel unloved or ignored. You made sure to include me in your conversations. You and I had tv nights, take out nights, helped me cook, cooked when I wasn't able to, we hung out like father & daughter, we hung like two old buddies, ignored me when I was being silly, cared for me when I was sick/recovering from my surgeries, protected me when I was unable to protect myself, comforted me when I was too prideful to ask for it, and gave me advice when I asked for it or needed it. I was able to confide in you and trusted you 100%. You confided in me and trusted me 100%.
          You put on a brave face but I knew how devastating it was for you when mommy died. I saw the hurt in your face when I got injured at work and wasn't getting better. I saw the fear and hurt when I needed to have my surgeries. I also saw the relief when I started to heal and started getting my independence back. You would tell me to relax when I pushed myself too much. I must have done something in my former life that was outstanding because this life is a blessed one for me.

           I miss you daily. How devastating it is to know that my hero who was invincible was human after all? It sucks because I'm no longer anyone's "baby girl". I was forced into adulthood when mommy passed but I could retreat into baby girl mode when I needed to. Now it's adult mode until we meet again. Don't worry though. I'm not alone. You set me up with a wonderful support team. You brought everyone together and showed us all how much we truly need each other. The level of love has increased and it's a beautiful thing to see. All of our eyes are opened and in our own way, we each are realizing what is important. You are presenting opportunities that we have been trying to ignore and forcing us to take chances we normally wouldn't have. Playing it safe is no longer an option. You speak to me through many different outlets and when I have a question about something, the answer comes rather quickly. You are still looking out for me and I am grateful. I would rather you be here but I also understand that God knows best. I forgive you for leaving me so soon. I wasn't ready or even prepared for your departure but I know none of that is up to me. If that were the case, both you and mommy would still be here. I can take comfort in knowing that you loved me and you knew how much I loved you.
           All I can do is try to continue to be the woman you and mommy raised me to be. I'm not perfect nor do I try to be but I want to honor you in the best way. I want folks to see me as Andrea/Moosie but I also want them to see you and mommy in me. I would hope to be remembered in a positive light like you and mommy are. I will never reach the status of greatness because the bars you two set are beyond reach but I will continue to be the best me I can be. You have set me up on the right path and it's up to me to keep going. I will stumble along the way. Sometimes on purpose, most times by accident but I will carry on. My heart aches from the pain of you not being here. I need to go through the changes of turning that ache into love like I did with mommy. I won't allow my grief to cripple me though. Folks see me and tell me how strong I am but my strength comes from my loved ones and to tell the truth, from you and mommy. Neither one of you showed weakness. You were warriors and so am I.
          I will end this by saying that I thank you for being my father and I thank you for being my friend. I thank you for taking care of your family and I thank you for being the man you were. You are a fine example of the kind of gentleman, husband, father, and friend everyone needs in their life. I will forever miss and love my daddy!





Chefs/Professional Cooks Vs The At Home Cook

I'm flipping between "Chopped" and "The Taste" which are cooking competitions. I'm a long time fan of "Chopped" and one thing I'm sure those of you who also watch cooking competitions/programs are aware that all Chefs/Professional Cooks have two things in common. We are over confident and we are overly insecure. We "know" we can cook and our dishes are the best that anyone will ever eat yet at the same time we fear that we will make something no one will want to eat (complicated yes I know). Those of us who are the At Home Cooks are also confident in our ability to cook for our family and friends but are simply terrified that our food or style of cooking are not good enough to reach the professional chef status. Notice I included myself in both categories and I will explain why. I started out cooking at home from a very young age. I also got into the restaurant business at a young age. I worked with many that went to culinary school and even though I dare not show it, I allowed the fact they were professionally taught intimidate me until I saw that my skill was much more than a lot of them. Not bragging, just a fact (hehe). Even though some of my co-workers and friends would reassure me that I was just as good or at times even better, I would not allow myself to accept that fact. I instead soaked up as much information I could. I learned what to do and what not to do. I was blessed with a God given talent and I am thankful that I was able to put it to good use.
Most of us who are the At Home Cook learn how to cook and bake. Mostly because you always gotta have dessert lol. It was strange to me to learn that all chefs who cook can not bake and all chefs who bake can not cook. To me, they go hand in hand but for many it doesn't. Personally, I believe it is the home cooks that have the home advantage of preparing a meal in these competitions as long as they stay true to themselves. The professionals however always have a need to prove why they are the best. There are always some new technique or scientific ingredient to make the dish better and they end up beating themselves because of it. And don't EVEN get me started on all the fancy names and expensive what nots they add.
One of my mentors and best friend once told me that he could see me having my own cooking show or in one of those cooking competions and I thought he was just bias because we are friends but you know, that may have to be something I might have to look into and decide if it is a bucket list item. I will not dare say that I would win but I am pretty sure if I set my mind to it, I will make it at least to the finals. No I'm not the best chef/cook out there and I hardly know all there is when it comes to cooking but I believe I do have the home court advantage because I have experience in both areas!

Chivalry Isn't Dead After All

In one of my earlier posts titled "Chivalry Can't Be Dead", I shared a couple of the funnier but sad situations I was in when it came to being approached by men. Well, I am here to tell you that there is hope. I recently met and had a lovely date with a true gentleman. He approached me in a respectful manner, our converstions have been light hearted and interesting, and I do not feel as if I am wearing a porkchop suit while standing in the middle of hungry lions. We had a nice dinner, went for a nice stroll in the city, and the conversation seemed endless. It was like a great breath of fresh air to be out with someone who respected me and treated me like a lady. I felt as if he was attracted to both my outer and inner beauty. It was as if I was being courted (I went old school on ya with that one... lol). My "peoples" as I call my love ones (friends and family) know me and appreciate me as who I am and that is a blessing, but it is truly refreshing to be treated like the lady I am. Not to worry, I did my part to treat him like the gentleman he is (or at least I hope I did *smiles*).
So to all the ladies out there, there are true gentlemen available. There are men who respect themselves enough to want to show they know how to make a lady happy and can hold off telling you in detail all they wish to do to you sexually. And as many of us know, those who has to talk about it may not know how to be about it. I shared this story for one main reason. If I can share stories of the not so great part of dating, I can also share the good part. I don't believe in male bashing and I don't generalize by saying "All Men Are...". I see each man as they present themselves to me and go from there. No, I am not every man's dream nor would I want to be. No, I am not every man's nightmare nor would I want to be. I am just a simple, easy going lady who would (and I am quoting one of my aunts) not mind having someone to enjoy a slice of cake and a cup of coffee with.

When Life Hands You Lemons....

It is said that God puts folks in your life... Some for a reason and others for only a season. It is also said that things happen for reasons that only God know why and it is how we choose to approach whatever determines the outcome. I for one am a true believer.
I have been thrown off my course and plans I had set for what I thought my life was to be has changed. Every time I think I have it right, it appears that I actually have it left (play on words... hehe). I've always enjoyed cooking for as far as I could remember. As a little girl, I would go in the kitchen and watch my mom cook and be amazed. That was sort of our bonding time one could say. While we would talk/laugh, I would pay close attention to her as she prepared every meal. Sometimes she would call me to come join her in the kitchen. Just thinking about it now I have a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. My father would watch television and my sister would be in our room reading waiting to be called after everything was done. When I was tall enough to reach the stove, my mom allowed me to help with preparing the meals and then eventually I would just take over and she would sit and watch (criticizing and questioning... hehe) while we talked. Cooking was always more of a hobby for me. I would collect recipes, watch cooking shows, and just experiment with different flavors and combinations. I would see a meal that called for expensive ingredients and I would add my own little twists and turn it into my own. Never in a million years did I think it was even possible for me to get into the Culinary Industry and forget about becoming a Chef. I thought my career path would be in Sociology, Psychiatry, or some type of work that required me to work with children. I made 3 attempts to go to college and all 3 times I failed. The first time I put going into college on hold to help out a family member, the second time I actually was accepted but the day I was to start I caught a terrible flu and missed the entire week that I had to enter, and the third time I was told my father made too much money for financial aid. I looked at that lady and said, "Oh really? Where is all this money going cause we sure don't see it?"
So then I decided that I needed to look for work so I can go to school. "Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" I asked myself while I cruised through the newspapers and an opportunity presented itself. I ended up working not only in a professional kitchen but for me it was as if I entered a culinary school that paid me to be there. Catering/Restaurant and a hint of Hotel type of work. I started at the entry level and what was supposed to be a temporary job turned into a 15 plus years career. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. The more obstacles I had to go through, the more I would prove that I could get through them as a victor and not a victim. Just as I was settling into what I thought would be where I would later retire, I had the rug pulled from under me. I had an on the job accident which at first I thought was minor but it turned out to be more serious than expected. I had a nasty slip and fall that ended my career. I will no longer be able to actively work in the culinary field. I refused to accept it at first but I know that everything happens for a reason. God put me in this line of work for His reason just as he has taken me out of it for His reason. I am optimistic that whatever is lined up for me will be something else for me to succeed at but I would be fibbing if I were to say that I don't and won't miss it. I have my moments when I feel sad but I will not allow it to get me down. I am much too strong and stubborn to give up.
In normal situations, people who have a large circle find that it gets smaller when something happens but for me, I have a lot more supporters and people who care for me than expected. I have my normal go to crew but the wave of support I've been receiving is humbling and lets me know that I am doing something right somewhere. With all the time off, I have tried to use it wisely. It has allowed me to reconnect with people, allowed me to get closer with my family/friends, it has allowed room for me to make new friends, and also shown me the few who needed to become a distant memory. I have an even greater appreciation for life and taking time to enjoy it even more. There are moments when I am in so much pain, I feel as if I am tired of taking medication, and frustrated because I am not able to get up and do/go at the same rapid speed as before. There are times when I cry because it appears as if life is going on but my life is on hold or at a standstill but then I look at the positives. I have a loving group of supporters who does not mind being available for/to me. I have a roof over my head, I am still able to move around, you can look at me and see I am not rapidly losing weight so I'm not missing any meals (lol), and I still have my sense of humor. I love hearing folks laugh at my silly sayings and stories. For me, that is a huge part of my healing. I'm not used to being fussed over and I am still getting used to being taken care of... but I have to say it does feel nice :-)
With the lemons I've been handed, I choose to make lemon cake, lemon herb chicken, lemon tea, etc... Two things you can tell about me. One, I have a positive outlook on life and two, I am a tad bit greedy... lol!

Happy Father's Day

I want to give a special Happy Father's Day to all the fathers. I am blessed to say that my father was very involved in my life when I was growing up and to this day, he is still a very important man in my life. I am reminded daily just how blessed my sister and I are to have such a great man who love and care for us. Even on those days when it seems he puts on his Columbo trench coat and gives us the third degree, I know it's only done out of love. Thank you daddy for giving me your love, your guidance, your wisdom, your patience, your calm nature, your sense of humor, your sarcasm, your smart comebacks (hey, yall had to know I got them from somewhere lol), your eyes, and can't forget about that famous Pettigrew smile! I owe you more than I could ever give back and would not trade you for anything!

What Is It Like?

What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?
To be the woman you fall asleep and wake up thinking about...
To be in your dreams that you dare not share...
To put the smile on your face that appears suddenly...
To be the one you brag to all of your friends about...
To be the reason behind your inspiration...


What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?


To be the woman you have to rehearse the conversation you plan on having...
To be the one you need to work up your nerves to call...
To be the one you decide is the only woman for you...
To be the woman who gives you butterflies in your stomach...


What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?


To be the woman you introduce as your lady...
To be the woman who makes your heart skip a beat every time we share a kiss...
To be the woman you look at in that special way...
To be the woman you can get enough of...


What's It Like, What's It Like, What Is It Like?

Kid At Heart

From the moment I heard their name (group and individual), New Edition have been a part of me. I strangely thank my sister for my borderline obsession with them. They did a concert with Force MD's, and Run DMC way back in the day (All For Love album) and she made my mother angry to which her punishment was she wasn't allowed to go. At that time, I was short for my age and my mom didn't feel comfortable with me traveling alone on the subway so I wasn't allowed to go either. They did air the concert on the radio in those days so I was able to hear them and my father got me an autograph picture from both New Edition and Force MD's but I promised myself that once I was of age to attend one of their concerts, I was going and nothing was going to stop me. Then there was the "Heartbreak " tour. Didn't make it to that one either but that was my own fault. I picked that year to not do that great in school so missing that tour was all me. Once again, I promised myself that I would not miss another concert. It was that determination that turned me into the fan I am today.

It appeared there for a minute that the "Heartbreak" tour would be the last one they would do together. There were solo projects and issues within the group but low and behold, "Home Again"! YES!!! I finally had the opportunity to see my guys perform with the added bonus of not just seeing five of them but all six. Nothing and no one would prevent me from seeing my New Edition. I was lucky that their first stop was in my hometown because we all know the outcome of that tour.

New Edition have always been a huge part of my life in one way or another. "Can You Stand The Rain" is the first song I sang to my male friend (who I had a crush on by the way) and "S-C-H-O-O-L" earned me a high grade in English. I can go on and on with different examples but this one I'm about to share is truly near and dear to me.

NE was doing a show that I just knew I was going to miss. It was going to be at my job (at that time I worked at Madison Square Garden)and I had to work that evening. It nearly killed me to know that we were going to be in the same building and for me not to see at least one member. That was not going to happen. I went to work extra early, changed into my Chef's Uniform, and walked around (people tend to say I was stalking them but that wasn't the case) the areas I knew they should be. While I was chatting on my cell phone with one of my cousins, the first person I saw was Michael Bivins. In my head, him and Bobby Brown are the cool male friends you have. They are the ones you hang out with and just kick it. If some drama appear, they are the ones you call to help end it. Seeing Mike excited me but it wasn't a seeing my favorite member type of excitement. He was looking for their dressing room and of course I was more than willing to help him find it. He is a very cool guy. He took time to say hello to my cousin who was still on the phone and we eventually found the dressing room. Luck was on my side that entire day. The area they were located made it very convenient for me to get to them.

I left but of course made my way back to see who else I could see. I heard some of the guys who were hanging around their area talking about getting something to eat. One of them (who I later found out was Ronnie Devoe's cousin) looked in my direction and said, "She looks as if she knows where to get something to eat". Now normally I have a smart remark and this time was no different. Just as I was about to say, "What gave that away, Sherlock?" I heard someone yell out, "Yeah cause Ronnie is hungry", I quickly smiled and began to mention different restaurants in the area. Ronnie DeVoe, my number one love?! Of course I'm going to look out for him! In my head, Ronnie was the cool friend I had a secret crush on. Back to my story... I ended up establishing a decent relationship with Mike's bodyguard whose name is Eric. After all, he was the one I mainly dealt with. He told me that they wouldn't have time to go anywhere because they needed to rehearse and I volunteered to throw some food together for them. I told Eric to give me five minutes and I would personally cook and bring them some food. I ran to the kitchen and turned into the Tasmanian Devil.

After I cooked and packed everything, I gathered my nerves and brought the food to Eric. He looked at me carefully, told me that I looked harmless and allowed me to bring the food in. I sat the food on the table and slowly turned around and there they were practicing some steps to "If It Isn't Love". At that moment I was Tupac because all eyes were on me. I stood there for a few seconds and took in that moment. Ralph Tresvant is the guy all the women wanted except for me (at that time)and Ricky Bell... well I just didn't like Ricky. He never did anything to me personally. I just didn't like him but "Something In Your Eyes" did make me raise an eyebrow. Johnny Gill... now I love me some Johnny Gill as long as he is singing. I prayed the entire time for him not to sing, hum, or even whistle. Talking was okay but anything musical and I would lose it. I also made tea for Johnny Gill's voice. Yep... that was me... lol!

To make a long story short, I got to meet all of them and they all were very sweet and very gracious towards me. Ronnie saw my Scorpio pendant that I was wearing and he gently grabbed it. As he held it, he looked at me and said "Ahh... Scorpio". I slowly made my posture straight and responded, "Why yes I am" and by doing that, it gave me the right to tell everyone that I got felt up by Ronnie Devoe. Yep... mmm hmm... sure did! I share this story because at the time I was dealing with my own personal tragedy. My mom was suffering with cancer and the stress of dealing with that had took it's toll on me. Being able to meet my favorite group and  have them all (Ricky included) be so kind to me gave me that added boost I needed. Needless to say, I ended up catching their performance and when Johnny sang, my cousins said "he sounds so good because of your tea" to which I maturely replied, "yes, that's my tea"! Good times.... good times I tell ya but my story does not end there.

I was lucky enough to have been invited to a mic check for Heads of State which was Ralph, Bobby, and Johnny. Only Ralph and Johnny was there and I had no complaints. I had the chance to speak to Ralph and thanked him for being so gracious to me way back when. He in turned thanked me, gave me a warm embrace, and a lingering kiss on the cheek. From that moment on, he moved up and became a favorite member... hehe. I didn't get to talk much to Johnny but he not only sang for us but sang directly to me twice which had me melting.

Once again all six members are on tour, (two of the shows I have seen) and what a blessing it is to see that they are doing the damn thing. Looking around, all you see are us 30+ aged women hollering and going crazy like we all did when we were teenagers. Whenever life gets me down and I need that extra boost of happiness, I can look at pictures/videos or play their music and I am A-O-K! Thank you New Edition for teaching me that (dare I say it?) I CAN STAND THE RAIN!!